I can't sit here at my computer today and tell you that I've always been a perfect Christian and have been 100% willing to follow God's plan and desires for me since the day I was born, because that is simply not true.

​​

​

     I first said the Salvation Prayer when I was around five years old. Of course, I received the pats on the back and the, "Congratulations, sweetheart!"s that other members of the church gave me. It was the same treatment I got when I got baptized at the age of seven. Admittedly, it was a spectacular feeling to get treated that way by the people I knew and loved. I continued to live in Christ faithfully until the age of twelve.

​​

​

     I began to fully understand what the "divorce" meant and how it changed me, and I was angry. I felt confused and betrayed. How could my two loving parents decide that they just weren't into this whole "marriage" deal? Did they even think about me and my siblings? (Obviously, I know now that it was for our own good.)

​​

​

     I never did anything drastic or dangerous like cutting or doing drugs. Despite my attitude towards the situation at hand, I was still an innocent, Christian young lady who would never treat anyone wrongly. I stayed faithful to my schoolwork, piano lessons, and Good News Club (a Christian club that was held at my elementary school). I put on a mask that hid my true emotions and pretended for the sake of those around me. However, in my heart, I knew what I was feeling. I thought that I was the only person on Earth who could relate to what I was going through. As a result, my feelings were kept deep inside for years.

​​

​

     My faith became unstable at times, and I would go back and forth between the world and what God wanted for me. Some days, I would feel on fire for God and be willing to do anything He desired. Other times, I wouldn't want to speak or interact with anyone and wanted to fulfill my own wishes. Figuratively, I would dip my foot in the Spiritual Pool for a few days and then jerk out of the water, running away towards home. It wasn't easy.

​

​

     As you probably have already figured out, I grew out of that "I'm all alone" stage and understand why I went through all of those trials as a child. I think that I've let my anger and sadness go and left it in my past. I've grown as a Christian because of the circumstances I was placed in, and I would do it all again to get where I am today.

 

​

     I'm sure everyone and anyone reading this now has been through rough patches in their faith, as have I. However, I'm typing this to show you that even if you fall sometimes, it's possible to get back up. It's not going to be easy, I can assure you that, but I promise - it will be worth it in the end. ​